Some Tentative Goals

So, here we are, six weeks into 2016 and I'm finally getting some goals sorted in my head. Things are still bumpy but I'm feeling ever-so-slightly better. At least I've got my motivation back, even if I've accepted that I need to stop pushing myself quite so hard and give in to the frequent necessity to burrow away and hide. Fortunately, I've mastered the art of relaxation. Way back before Christmas I got a new bed and reorganised my room. It's now much more comfortable and devoid of 'proper' work. I sit up there listening to music and watching my water-effect speakers, colouring, reading and writing fan fic. It's a little retreat and I'm building something of a postcard collection on the walls - John Atkinson Grimshaw and Rita Hayworth - brilliant bedfellows.

These are tentative goals centred on a couple of areas of my life that I have control over. As things stand, I have a trickle of money coming in from freelance writing and tutoring work. It's not a lot but enough to cover my meagre expenses and ensure I can still visit Create for my afternoons of writing. I need to work on my long-term plan but, really, thinking along those lines was proving unhelpful so, for the time being, short-term goals are best.

• 'Max' Fourth Draft - I've had fun and games with this one in the last few months (see here and here) but I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It knows what it's doing and my aim is to finish the fourth draft by the end of February. It's currently at 43,046 words and I've got clear plans for the rest of the draft. It's half-editing and half-rewriting huge chunks but I'm confident I can make a huge dent in that in the next three weeks. 
• 'Danni' Seventh Draft - I stopped mid-draft last year, having done most of the difficult rewriting but I'd gotten bogged down with the close editing. This one's at 54,342 words and it's reasonable to say I could complete it by the end of March. 
• Other Novel Drafts - There are nine of these in various stages of rewriting. I listed them comprehensively last July when I was in a better frame of mind and I think the order of priority probably still sticks. If you add in my aborted NaNo project, 'Jess', then that's actually ten and that's a bit scarier. Optimistically, I'd like to work on four of them this year - 'Liz' has a complete plan and needs the second draft completing, 'Izzy' and 'Vic' need the second drafts planning and writing and 'Kathy' is a fragment of a first draft that needs rewriting in first person and completing. We'll see. If I can keep myself in the writing zone then anything's possible.
• Short Stories - I didn't submit any short stories in the last three months of 2015. I've already taken steps to remedy this and submitted three in January whilst devoting more time to my short story writing, rewriting and editing processes. I've got a little notebook that lists which stories are at what stage - 'Ready', 'Final Touches', 'Line Edits', 'Rewriting in Progress', 'To Rewrite' and 'Unsure'. Currently, I've got four that are ready to submit and three more that are nearly there. It's time to go through my list of magazines and competitions and find some appropriate venues and, if there aren't any right now, they'll pop up eventually. I'm not putting a figure on the number of stories I want to submit or write but I do want the list to be moving. 
• Academic Work - Now, this is where I'm completely at sea. I'm deliberately not attending conferences this year as I just can't do it and my academic work's stalled somewhat. I've got one half-written paper, plans for several others and I wanted to rewrite and edit two chapters of my thesis to submit to journals. So what happened? Well, my anxiety kicked in. The fact that it's a year ago this week that I submitted my thesis isn't helping, nor is the fact that my certificate arrived in the post this week. I couldn't make it to graduation because of, yep, anxiety so it doesn't really feel as though I've achieved anything. Actually, it feels like a colossal waste of a chunk of my life right now. I have no idea what happens next with my academic work but the frustrating thing is that I still have ideas for papers and the desire to research. I'm a contradiction.

Anyway, with a bit of luck I'll manage to pull at least some of this off. I nabbed myself a cheap gym membership to get me out of the house and filled a playlist full of cheesy pop like Steps, SClub7 and Boyzone to get me through it. About a third of the songs on there are by The Nolans (and, as I'm typing this my iPod's thrown their 'Song Sung Blue' at me from over 8300+ choices) so at least I can have some fun whilst exercising. There's something especially amusing about listening to 'Don't Make Waves' whilst on the rowing machine - or is that just me? 

...Onwards to 2015

Writing this has proved to be tricky. That's probably symptomatic of my general apathy and, really, I have no idea how the next year will play out. I'm dreading it to be fair, with no reason to suspect things are going to get any better in the near future. But let's see if I can pinpoint some specific things that I'd like to achieve in the next year.

In a few weeks I submit my thesis and so, hopefully, in a few months it'll all be over. My plans after that are, quite obviously, dependent on things beyond my control so we'll see where I am at the end of the year.

Regardless of the above, I want to attend a few more conferences this year and also work on at least two papers - I'm trying to set manageable goals but I hope I end up with more than two.

On the novel side of things, the key word this year is 'submission'. At least two novels are about in a fit state to go on their travels and I've done my research about potential publishers so it's just a case of putting them out there. I always said that once my PhD was done with I'd focus on my writing for a little while and that's still the plan.

As for the actual writing, I've already got a five month plan which involves working on five novels. Part of this involves finishing 'Kathy', a draft from 2013 that needs rewriting in the first person and then I'd also like to complete another NaNoWriMo draft in November. We'll see what the rest of the year holds but if writing's all I've got then I'd better make it count.

Equally, I'm enjoying writing short stories at the moment and I'd like to work on a lot more of them and submit plenty in 2015. This isn't really a quantifiable goal but here's hoping for a little more success in this field.

I've signed up for five reading challenges in 2015 because I'm desperately trying to occupy my mind as well as wanting to get through some of those books I've neglected for far too long. The details on all five can be found here, though I'd be amazed if I complete the huge list. Still, that's what challenges are for, right?

Whatever lies ahead in 2015, I can guarantee that I will be spending a lot of time in this lady's company. It's a sad song but, unfortunately, it does sum things up perfectly...

Surprising Myself

I've mentioned several times about a first draft I've been battling with since about March (here and here). I'd abandoned it the last time around 36k when I realised I needed to concentrate on other things and couldn't justify the time it would take to plot the next sections, let alone write them. Well, on Friday I decided to open the document whilst watching Harry Potter: The Deathly Hallows Pt2 and see what happened. It turned out quite a lot.

Two thousand words on Friday, over three and a half thousand on Saturday (in the midst of what turned out to be a hellish night of babysitting), over two thousand on Sunday, thirteen hundred on Monday and then last night I churned out five and a half thousand words to bring the whole thing to an end. It put my first draft word count at 50,855 words which is fairly standard for my first drafts. They always bulk up dramatically during the second draft.

I'm not quite sure what happened in the last five days. Actually, there are a few possible reasons. Firstly, to say I'm running away from my PhD at the moment would be an understatement. I'm trying and trying but not getting very far, spending most of my days glaring at my computer screen and contemplating a sudden change of profession. No wonder that my 'evening' work has taken over in my head. And, secondly, I'm grown up enough to know that my PhD isn't the only thing I'm trying to escape from. I suppose now I've finished this draft I'll have to stop procrastinating and deal with stuff. Though, may I say, hanging around with my characters is much more enjoyable than the real world at the moment.

So this first draft will be printed and stuck in a clear folder with the other four novels I have in various states of revision (yes, I'm a little psychotic about how I store them, it has to be a clear folder for reasons I don't even know). I do have a slight reservation though - I'm taking part in NaNoWriMo again this year and I hope I haven't burnt myself out of words in the last few days.

Oh, and there is the other issue of my traffic light system: I've completed an amber task while the two red ones are still outstanding. So outstanding that they're somewhere in the North Sea and I'm running towards Cornwall. Can't help thinking I'm doing this productivity thing wrong...

... Onwards to 2012

It's much easier to dissect the year just gone than to predict what lies in store for 2012. It's a year of fear as far as the political and economic situations go, but also a year that should inspire pride in Great Britain. I hope it does. And, on a more personal level, I hope I can build on the successes of 2011. But let's cut this down into manageable goals.

I've signed up for two specific reading challenges this year (see the links on the sidebar). I aim to complete them. In addition, I want to read some of those books I've been meaning to for a while - Wolf Hall, The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister and Nella Last's War to name but three.

I daren't make any predictions about my PhD for the coming year. I just hope that I'm still studying at the end of 2012. Whatever happens, I've already learned a lot from my research. That'll never go to waste.

I want to complete some revisions of all four manuscripts I've got floating about. Two are in the later stages of development and two of them are first drafts. I will also aim to have at least one short story published this year and try and complete a few of the unfinished projects I've got hanging around.

I will continue working with 2020UK and hopefully attract more people to the ranks.

I'll continue being there for the people who need me (for babysitting or a chat) but I'm making no predictions about where I'll end 2012.

My inspiration for the year ahead has to come from the Matilida soundtrack and the song 'Naughty':

"Just because you find that life's not fair 

It doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it

If you always take it on the chin and wear it

Nothing will change.

Even if you're little you can do a lot

You mustn't let a little thing like little stop you

If you sit around and let them get on top 

You might as well be saying you think that it's okay

And that's not right."

Farewell 2011...

At the beginning of 2011 I posted my hopes for the year. Let's see how I did with the things I wanted to change or improve on.

1. I have decided to work at my PhD until my eyes blur and give in from over-use. I will not try and figure out ways of getting around the work and I will be the most coherent and widely-read student I can be. I love my subject and I'm not half-bad at it. Come 2012 I will have been upgraded from MPhil to PhD status.
Well, I haven't upgraded yet! I've been up and down the research rollercoaster in the last twelve months and feel no closer to the final loop. However, I'm assured I'm edging towards it. I still enjoy my subject and I still appreciate the works of Edmund Yates, even though he's been getting on my nerves most of the year. 

2. I have decided to focus on revising the unpublished novels I have waiting around before starting something new. One in particular has tremendous potential and with a restructure of plot I think it could really be something. By 2012 I will have revised this and (hopefully) submitted it.
I'm a little closer on this one. I've revised each of the two novels I had at the beginning of the year at least once and submitted them once apiece. Without anyone telling me, I realised they needed more work and I'm revising them again. I have also - despite my little focus point above - written two more complete first drafts. Well, I had to participate in NaNoWriMo, didn't I?

3.I have decided to continue with my good form of the last few months as far as submitting short stories goes. I will submit at least two a month to various competitions and aim to write a new one at least once a month. (I realise that doesn't add up but deal with it)
I fell down a little on this one. I made fourteen submissions of various formats throughout the year. One short story was shortlisted, one television drama was longlisted and one short play script was produced in September. I'd say that's progress enough for now. With the exception of the tail end of the year, my submissions were pretty regular. Meaning that I didn't have any major head-bashing periods.

4. I have decided to be the best friend I can be and be there for people who I know would be there for me in a heartbeat. I've got some great people around me and I need to appreciate them more. Also in this area, I will contact some old friends and family members I've neglected for too long.
Maybe I fell down on this one too. Or maybe I didn't. The fact is, there is no point surrounding yourself with people who don't want to be there and don't help when they are. That does neither party any good. The friends I've ended the year with are the ones that are sticking - and have stuck - for quite some time. Equally, why should I chase after old friends and family members? They could easily contact me. I shouldn't be the one doing the chasing all the time. There's nothing in life that makes you feel quite so unwanted.

5. Finally, I have decided that 2011 is the year to let go of the dreams that cannot be and focus on the dreams that can. I envisage this being the difficult one but I'm up for the challenge.
This one I toyed with. I took one step closer to being a strong person and simultaneously took one step back. My personal life has been sketchy this year but I've survived it. Given what other years have brought me, 2011 wasn't too bad in this respect.

So what else did I achieve that I didn't put in my goals last year? Well, I've started working with a political group called 2020UK whose aim is to discuss what form governance should take in the UK. We're eager for guest bloggers, article writers and anybody willing to retweet our stuff and gain us some more readers so please do take a look at the website. I spent a good portion of the year writing for a lesbian news site, Lesbilicious.co.uk, and I've discovered many new acquaintances, bloggers and funny personalities on Twitter. I am still into musicals and I swear that's never going away and I will never ever forget seeing Liza Minnelli at the Royal Albert Hall in June. That made my year and, quite possibly, my life. I must thank Claire for talking me into it. I should also thank Sal and Nicola for keeping me sane in various ways this year. It can't have been easy!

It's been a year that deserves mixed reviews on the whole I think. My great uncle died towards the end of it. I didn't know him as well as I should have but I knew enough about him to miss him. Let the final word on this post go to him: RIP Ken.

... Onwards to 2011

I don't want to call this a collection of resolutions. Those are broken too easily. Neither will I call them pledges. The connotations of slimy politicians attached to that word are too potent for my liking. So let's call this a list of decisions. Something a politician has yet to make satisfactorily. (Putting the claws away now)

I have decided to work at my PhD until my eyes blur and give in from over-use. I will not try and figure out ways of getting around the work and I will be the most coherent and widely-read student I can be. I love my subject and I'm not half-bad at it. Come 2012 I will have been upgraded from MPhil to PhD status.

I have decided to focus on revising the unpublished novels I have waiting around before starting something new. One in particular has tremendous potential and with a restructure of plot I think it could really be something. By 2012 I will have revised this and (hopefully) submitted it.

I have decided to continue with my good form of the last few months as far as submitting short stories goes. I will submit at least two a month to various competitions and aim to write a new one at least once a month. (I realise that doesn't add up but deal with it)

I have decided to be the best friend I can be and be there for people who I know would be there for me in a heartbeat. I've got some great people around me and I need to appreciate them more. Also in this area, I will contact some old friends and family members I've neglected for too long.

Finally, I have decided that 2011 is the year to let go of the dreams that cannot be and focus on the dreams that can. I envisage this being the difficult one but I'm up for the challenge.

Happy New Year to one and all.