Interlocking Projects

Since I decided to knock NaNo on the head, I've felt a little more in control. Keeping up with an arbitrary word count wasn't for me at the moment and anybody who seeks to rub their 'success' in my face can honestly save their time. At the end of the day, it's better for me to be editing a project that's captured my heart instead of fighting an imaginary battle. I'm just not in the mood for it.

The truth is, there are three things at the moment that are feeding into one another. It's created something of a fire storm in my head - I'm always thinking of one or other of these things and, fortunately for me, they're proving productive.  

The first of these is the novel fourth draft I'm working on - 'Max'. It's amusing in some respects. When I wrote the first draft I remarked that, 'The least said about this one, the better! I didn't want to write it in the first place but I was...compelled.' Thinking about the second draft, I wrote, 'I know how I want the rewrite of this to pan out but the thought of writing it makes me feel queasy.' I finally got round to writing the second draft late last year, adding a second viewpoint and making the 'antagonist' a little more well-rounded. My goal, as I explained, was to delve into the characters: 'The first draft was an exercise in cleansing my mind; now I know more of the characters and I'm ready to create something a little better.' So the second draft twisted things a little and I ended up with a happy ending. The third draft earlier this year removed some secondary characters and replaced them with others who complemented the overall plot. And, once again, my antagonist got a bit nicer. In this fourth draft, she's not quite wearing a halo but it's not far off. I understand her. I understand why she makes some terrible decisions and why she comes across as completely selfish and the work I've done on my protagonist to explain why she reacts the way she does has helped. All in all, I think I'm really getting somewhere with this one. 

My epic fan fic venture is another thing keeping me occupied. Now, I know people have varied opinions about fan fiction but I've always found it keeps my mind focused on writing and I can tell stories I want to for my own personal amusement. If it also helps me unwind then that's no bad thing. This story I'm telling at the moment, though, is one that I've needed to write for a decade and it's consuming me a little - I haven't done a complete word count lately but I suspect we're over the 400,000 word mark. So much for a hobby! However, I'm enjoying writing it and I'm enjoying reading back over it. For me, that's the most important thing. 

The third thing that's feeding into my mental state at the moment is Once Upon a Time. I won't go into details but, for those of you who haven't watched the show, it's a retelling of certain fairytales that has a pretty important 'friendship' going on between two female characters. I'm drowning in fan fic and gifs - again, a hobby, but one that's aiding my productivity on the novel draft and the fan fic.

You see, there's a good reason these three things are coexisting in my life at the moment. All of them have family at their root. I learned during the second draft of 'Max' that it was the integral theme of the novel and that's only strengthened as time's gone by. In the fan fic, it's emerged as the defining theme and, well, Once Upon a Time is meant to be about family, even if it's not always clear that the writers know what they're doing. The novel draft, the fan fic and Once Upon a Time all have two parents (one not blood-related) and a complex familial relationship at the heart of them. And, perhaps, that's why everything's working so well at the moment.

There's no doubt in my mind that writing this fan fic and getting overly involved in Once Upon a Time is helping my novel draft. Call it a waste of valuable time if you want but I don't believe that - you can't write before you've learned the value and cost of a particular story or theme. Slowly, I'm figuring that out. 

A Fresh Approach

Now that I'm in that scary limbo between thesis submission and viva I decided that a little shake up of my daily plans was in order. I've just been muddling through for the last year or so, trying to do everything all at once and getting snowed under with it all. It was only when I allowed myself the novelty of a weekend off that I realised there are better ways to split my time for the moment. I won't like it, on account of it feeling like I'm doing too little on certain days, but I'll try to stick to it where I can.

So I've got various irons in the fire as far as work goes. I'm researching several academic papers that I think I can set my mind to drafting now the thesis is gone; I've got a steady stream of short stories that I'm writing, rewriting, editing and submitting; I've got two blogs to keep ticking over; I'm hoping to stand for election in the locals in May for Yorkshire First (I forgot to mention that over here, see my other blog for details); and, of course, I have those pesky novels in various stages of rewriting. If I don't break it up a bit then I'm liable to feel more overwhelmed than I do just looking at that list. We're probably looking at something like this:

• An admin day - Time spent on catching up with blog posts, typing up short stories ready for editing, sorting out submissions.
• An academic day - Work on those papers I've got in mind, one at least is ready to be written straight away.
• A short story day - For the actual writing and editing of short stories, which will entail me going to the library because that's definitely an out of office task. 
• Two novel days - To work on whatever novel I'm beavering away on at the time. 
• Evenings - Fan fiction or other relaxing activity that is probably not work.
• Weekends - I can work, if I want, or I can write fan fiction or I can read. I don't have much of a social life but who needs one when you've got books? 

I know myself well enough to say that Mondays will probably be my admin day unless there's something pressing to be done in the other categories. We'll see how it goes, of course, and I might go back to muddling through very quickly. Anyway, it's worth a shot.

Here's Snowdrop with my thesis, to brighten up a dreary Monday...

Back to Pen and Paper

Back in the good old days when I was writing fan fiction regularly, I was never without a spiral bound notebook in my bag. I had a bag just the right size to accommodate it and when that started letting in water it took some doing to find another one of the perfect size. It couldn't curl the edges or squash the bottom, you understand. I cherished my notebooks.

As time went on, things changed. I can pinpoint why. I stopped working on one particular

story in longhand in 2005/2006. I was at Lincoln and dealing with the illness of two grandparents along with studies, making stupid decisions about my personal life and generally mucking things up. I lost traction on the story and, though I continued writing a couple of thousand words on it every so often, I didn't write them longhand then copy them up. It wasn't a conscious decision to stop using the notebook, it just sort of happened.

Fast forward eight or nine years (and insert a *whoa* at that length of time).

These days, I have plenty of notebooks but they're all fancy ones. They all hold plans, characterisation notes or editing gripes. Most of them belong to one particular project, others have a few bits and pieces in them that I'm trying to make sense of. There's only one 'basic' notebook and that's the one I bought a few months ago, specifically to work on short stories.

Generally, I've neglected the short form because I figured I wasn't any good at it. But my publication in Ariadne's Thread (see here) gave me a little more confidence. Quite obviously, I'm not going to get any short stories published if I don't write and refine them. But sitting at the computer won't get it done. There's already so much to be working on up here. If I ever get a break from PhD work, all I really want to do is work on that mountain of novel drafts I've got stacked up or the script ideas that are exciting me. Short stories come at the bottom of the pile.

Which is why I made a conscious decision to start writing longhand again. This way, I've always got a notebook with a story in my bag. There's always something on-going so there's something to think about and work through while I'm doing other stuff. It's proved particularly useful on train journeys where I stare out of the window and pretend I'm working which, I think, is an improvement on looking out of the window and pretending I'm reading. The writing one is easier to pull off.

So we'll see where this leads. Maybe nowhere. But at least I'm writing daily again, even if that goes against the creed of 'year of the thesis'.

Imminent Failure

Nobody likes to fail. I rarely set out to do something if I feel like I might hit a wall. That may make me a coward but it prevents situations that are intolerable to my own delicate constitution. So the news last week that I'm not ready to upgrade from MPhil to PhD level was not just a slap in the face - it came at me like a body blow. In terms of sensation fiction, I can explain it in this way: I was Walter Hartright happily trundling along an open road. Then Anne Catherick appeared and everything went a little mad.

My major problem in my day-to-day life is the same one I face when I visit a Toby Carvery. The inclination to pile my plate high just because I can is overwhelming. The difference with the meal, I suppose, is that I can stop eating when I want. When I take on lots of projects I'm compelled to continue with them, either through obligation or my own stubbornness. I thought it might be useful to list the tasks I'm undertaking at the moment to see where - if anywhere - I can cut before I collapse and fail at absolutely everything.

1. PhD - As I mentioned, this is going very badly. The advice was pretty much brutal in all respects: I need to sort out my structure, argument, themes and title amongst other things, and this is only for the upgrade chapter! In order to pass my upgrade I need to have an abstract ready for the rest of the thesis. Although I can flannel this to an extent, I have an innate fear of flannelling - boasting about a book I hadn't read nearly put paid to this PhD before I'd started it. Anyway, on any given day my PhD consists of: primary reading (usually via a computer screen as most of the novels I'm looking at have been out of print for a century), secondary reading (both library books and contemporary sources available online), novel analysis and actual writing. I'll be honest here - the reading overwhelms me. I simply can't go as quickly as I need to. Given the fact that I'm a fairly fast reader, as well, I honestly pity people doing this sort of research who don't have zippy eyes. As part of my PhD I'm also required to take part in the Doctorate Development Programme. So far...well, I haven't. It's teaching me how to do the things I already need to and not helping me with the things I do need help with. As you can probably tell, PhD stuff quickly piles up.
2. Original Writing - This is the major sap of my free time, I think. I try and keep to my boundaries - I only usually write on evenings and at weekends. However, that still means that my 'after proper work hours' are full to the brim. At last count I had: two novels of around 60,000 words which have been redrafted several times, three novels in progress (one of 44,000, one of just under 10,000 and one of around 4,000), two scripts in progress, twelve short stories I'm revising and trying to place and numerous ideas I'm desperately trying to keep track of. The fact is, I will not give up writing. Not only do I like doing it, I need to do it. I'm serious about being a writer and I don't see how giving up my dream now will help me in the long run. As the song goes, 'You've got to have a dream, if you don't have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?'. Quite! I'm aiming to build on the success of having my short play performed. And I will build on it.
3. Freelancing for Lesbilicious - The articles I write for the website are my only source of income but that's not really the reason I want to continue with them. I enjoy coming across things related to LGBT experiences that I wasn't aware of and I feel compelled to highlight injustices across the world. It's a fight we all need to recognise, whether we're gay, straight or anything else. As you can tell, it's a subject I feel passionately about. Therefore no giving up.
4. Work for 2020UK - Now, I'm very proud to be in on the ground floor of this group. We're aiming to promote discussion on how the UK should be governed. It's one hell of a wide topic but I don't tire of it. My obligations consist of a weekly blog (I do the Wednesday one) and articles as and when something crops up that I feel needs highlighting. I also visit the website to engage in discussion. This is another subject I feel passionately about. I don't think you can moan about the state of society if you're not engaged trying to find another path. So, again, no negotiation on this one - it's staying and I'm proud of that fact.
5. Family Commitments Etc - This incorporates my weekly meals with my grandmother, my visits to the other half every few weeks and my time spent with my three nieces and nephew. I have to say, I would give up everything else on this list before I relinquish my time with the little people. Nor am I willing to deprive my grandmother of the one person who always gives her a hug. So, once more, non-negotiable.
6. Fan Fiction - On the face of it this is one thing I should drop like a stone. However, I'm a little loathe to do that. I currently have two long pieces in progress. I restarted one a few months ago after a few years of stagnation and the response was overwhelming. I'm not prepared to mess around those readers again. This category also incorporates the Otalia Virtual Season that I'm a part of. As much as I want to be a part of it, I remember the pressure last year. Not sure if I can handle that again on top of everything else.
7. Blogging - Well, it had to be included! The blog stays. End of.
8. Piano Practice - I try to give myself half an hour each day to chill out and mess around on the piano I was given from my grandmother a few months ago. I'm steadily getting better and, as it serves as one of my only sources of relaxation, I think that luxury can stay.
9. Television Viewing - I don't watch much. My father records stuff for me and I watch it when I can. It usually consists of some BBC4 programmes, some crime shows and my guilty pleasures of Coronation Street and Downton Abbey. Since it doesn't sap too much time and is my second source of relaxation, I think it can stay.
10. Reading - As a writer, I think I have to read. It's in the large-print of the manual. More than that, I read last thing at night to distance myself from the work I've done during the day. Some of the stories may give me frightening dreams but at least I'm not planning the next chapter of my novel or asking myself questions about Edmund Yates or James Payn. Besides, I review books for this blog. It also fills in a lot of time when I'm travelling, both to university and elsewhere. I rarely sit doing nothing, as you can tell.

There it all is. What do you reckon?